By Colleen Hoover
Book is rated 3.5 / 5 stars.
This was a tough read for a number of reasons that I will dive into shortly. Overall, I think it was a great book but I don't fully understand the hype behind it. Did it break my heart? 100%. Did I tear up? 100%. But, there are a lot of other considerations, too. There are spoilers ahead, so if you haven't read the book, be prepared.
Initial Thoughts
Oh, man. This book came highly recommended by a few close friends and all of Booktok, too. Having just recently gotten back into my love of books, I had to give it a shot. Right? It was the kind of book that I finished in a day and that could have been detrimental to my thinking of the book. Coming off of a fantasy series high, this was a huge difference. Maybe, that was my first mistake.
The writing style was not my favorite - in the beginning, it seemed choppy, very stream of consciousness thinking. That was my first thought, at least. It felt strange, disjointed, and hard to keep up with. But, the more I read, the more I realized that it was meant to be that way.
I wasn't a fan by how fast everything seemed to move through the storyline. I understand that the book is short, but life-changing moments seemed to hop quickly. Reading it in a day made everything seem to go by that much quicker, too.
The Storyline / Character Growth
Knowing that this book spoke about abuse, I was already tagging potential red flags within the first few pages alone. Lily and Ryle's initial interaction - their first "not-meet-cute" - was purposefully designed to set up the chaos that would unfold, but I still was hoping for the best. Ryle, by every measure of the word, was a walking red flag. At the same time, how do you tell a young woman in her early twenties to not go after a neurosurgeon who literally begged to have sex with her (gross, by the way)?
His touch is everything that I need and everything that I shouldn't.
Perhaps the most frustrating part of this book was how honest Ryle was about what a problem he was. His aversion to relationships, his pleading for sex, his asshole vibes as he threw a tantrum for not getting Lily in bed -- but, beyond all of that, using his childhood trauma as a blanket excuse for his actions. I don't know what accidentally killing your brother could feel like - or even "holding his brains in" could be. But, are we assuming the therapy wasn't working? Does his hospital know that he basically blacks out in anger and acts out? How did no one think to warn Lily or even consider this being an initial conversation? It bothered me that it was never spoken of again.
Then again, this is Lily's story and not Ryle's.
The number of times Ryle begs, pleads, practically pushes the solution to his feelings or emotions onto Lily is alarming. Also, why doesn't he have a place of his own. Siiiiiigh. He is not my favorite and I just kept hating him more and more.
"Where did you get the magnet, Lily?"
Why does he keep asking me this?
The way my heart raced at this part - I struggled so hard to get through this moment, and the panic and fear in my was beyond elevated. Everything about it was terrifying and I wanted nothing more than to just get her out of this situation. The fact that the major moments of the abuse escalated so incredibly with just three moments was surprising. I suppose I always assumed it would start small and steadily grow - never just fully and deeply.
Atlas --
I knew there was a chance that I might one day need it. So I memorized it.
That line broke me and also healed me in a sense. I've loved Atlas from the moment of the journal entires. Maybe because he understood Lily in a way that no one else did, could or wanted to. I wanted more of their bonding. I wanted the safety of Atlas the same way that Lily did. I hated that he didn't just - go after her, thinking he wasn't enough. But, I suppose, given his childhood and lifestyle before, it makes sense.
"...if by some miracle you ever find yourself in the position to fall in love again...fall in love with me."
Y'all.
Enough said.
The growth that Lily showed towards the end made me happy. As much as I hate to say it, I don't think Lily would have ever understood her mother, respected her, forgiven her, had she not had to endure those same things. Having the conversation with her mother, confessing what occurred, I think really prompted Lily to move forward with her life in a way that she needed to. Knowing, hearing, that her mother was proud of her and wanted to have done those things herself absolutely broke me. That was the part I teared up at.
All I know is that Lily made the hardest, but best, choice for herself and her daughter. And, Ryle. With her in his clutches, I don't think he would have taken (or I hope he takes) the right actions to rectify his behavior and not just hide behind his ego. I want a good future for Lily and I'm so happy that she took the decisions she did to do better.
To end the cycle.
Final Thoughts
Would I read this book again? Probably not. Would I recommend it? I think I would. But, with the warnings that it is a hard read at some parts. By the end, I was enormously proud of Lily and her choices - that the cycle of abuse would end with her and her daughter. I'm considering picking up the next book to know what happens next - I love Atlas, and I hate Ryle. There's a good chance I will, but after some time passes.
What did you all think? What was your favorite part? Let me know in the comments!
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